Happy Erin, Stressed Erin, Sad Erin, Excited Erin, Happy Erin

Over the last few days, my life has felt like tonight's blog entry title. So many emotions, but in the midst of it all, a calm awareness of feeling comfortable. Of being able to get off the metro (and on the way figure out which stop is the closest to Trader Joe's), walk to my old neighborhood grocery store, pass so many memories along the way, and still feel, well, happy at the end of my grocery store journey.

I got off at Farragut North, and my first memory came from passing my old gym. First thought: "Aw, this is where my ex-boyfriend ran on the treadmill one night during a three day binge and I didn't even know he was wasted." Second thought: "This is where I discovered Zumba with Diego and met my dear friend Emma. Diego made me find my inner diva. Emma helped me weather through the last few weeks of living in the city feel and feel less lonely. We were instant friends and even met up in Charlottesville.

I walk along M street. Second memory: 2001 M Street. Here is where I had to wait in line and beg the lady to give me a SS card that read "Jessica Erin Harvey" instead of "Erin Harvey" so that after a three month battle with the DC DMV, I could finally get my official DC tags! Memory #3: CVS: There's the CVS that-on the same binge I mentioned before-said Ex picked a fight in line while waiting for his Antibuse prescription and later that night broke out in hives from a reaction to the medicine. Memory #4: There's the spot where on a Saturday, I felt so low that I stopped in the middle of the alley, sat down, and cried hysterically to "him" that I hated it here and had to get out. He couldn't come to my rescue without a car. Memory #5: I pass the alley where I was walking home one night from Trader Joe's with arms full of groceries, balancing an umbrella b/c it was pouring. I was almost home when I heard glass shattering. Then I felt something else wet besides the rain. I looked down. Blood? Panic set in. No, just my splattered broken jar of spaghetti sauce.

I could go on and on of the awful memories of that year. It was an awful time, which is why I can now experience the exhilarating experience of being back here! The feeling of immense gratitude. Of being able to look all of these memories in the face and say, "I chose to come back here! I feel good today! It is 1:30 in the afternoon and I have already worked a full day, am on my way to my favorite grocery store in the world, and I have a full night of friends ahead! I am not looking forward to going back to my apartment and just sleeping the day away. I am excited to breathe! To live! To smile!"

Even though I was weighted down with groceries and had close to a mile walk to the metro, I was smiling. Actually, I was tearing up. This was not just a passing good mood. This was a calming experience. An overwhelming sense of gratitude that I survived. I learned. I am still learning every second that it is still hard, but that I want to live! Thankful because I have a bit more insight to my self. To my soul. To what makes me happy and keeps me healthy. I am learning everyday, and have been for a while. But, it sure is nice to do that amongst old friends and new roommates who will talk you into getting out of the house and going to the gym. Who will share a bottle of wine with you and laugh at the dynamics of two cats establishing their territories. Oh, tomorrow might change in an instance, and yes-the new job has it's challenges-but today, I feel better. I feel thankful. I feel tired. I feel loved. I feel support. I do not feel the empty hole in my stomach that cries out for companionship. I can't help but read this and, well, smile.

Enjoy the pics of my first day of work and my city adventures of the week so far!