Please allow me to self-reflect

Thank you for letting me share these thoughts with you today. I used to make fun of blogs, but since all of the life changes over the last two years and recent changes, this blog has given me an "out", confidence to keep writing, and a sense that I am sitting down sharing with each one of you. It means so much that you allow me to share with you. Thank you!  Today through a sequence of journal entries, friends, and songs, I have sensed a progression. And would like to share my thankfulness with you. The words do not require much explanation and speak for me during...well...life.

December 11, 2008

My Journal Entry

"I'm not sure if time heals everything-maybe time and fighting-digging in the dirt to get a breath-the one that will get you through to the next minute. If you are lucky, the next hour. Sometimes you see the sun and that spurs you on until the next day even. And then one day you look around and you see green, not brown. You smell clean air, not earthy mud. You can stand on the ground-firmly-not gripping uphill for your life. You can stretch out-open your arms wide to the blue sky and before you know it-you've made it."

February 6, 2009

During Katie's visit to Charlottesville, she introduced me to the band, "Heartless Bastards". The week before I had noticed that they were playing at the Gravity Lounge the week after she was in town. On February 11, Sean and I went to hear them LIVE. Below is listed the words to the song that spoke to me as soon as Katie played it for me that weekend, and the opportunity to close my eyes and ROCK OUT to it live was moving. 

Lyrics to Runnin :
For every calm there is a storm
But it is often out of view
It changes paths it changes forms
Just like our souls
Like they often do
Broke the calm, strain my back
I was born, driven by fear
And I don't think I'll ever understand
But I know I'll be runnin for years
I hope there's a higher ground
Because I'm going steadily down
And I know I'll be alright
If I just get through the night
I love your way, I love you baby, don't mean maybe
I love your way, and oh you brighten and enlighten
I've been walking, I've been walking sideways
Walking down the street
And I won';t look back to another minute
Because there's nothing left to see
I took the long way
Oh I took the long way

This past week I was losing sight of all of the positives to the recent move, and was having a bit of a hard time. Oh L. She KNOWS me. She gifted me "Hold Your Head High" by Heartless Bastards to my ITunes. I listened to it for the first time today and haven't listened to anything else. How connected I am to it. I am always amazed that someone else who doesn't have a clue about my life can write a song so connected to mine. I guess I should expect it by now, but never get used to it. Always so exciting and moving. 

Lyrics to Hold Your Head High:

I've made a lot of choices
Most have not been wise
But I have some really good friends 
I've been fortunate enough to find
They get through the lonely days 
When I want to stay inside myself
They get me out of my shell
Out into the world

I am coming back, I'm coming back again
I had lost everything and then I got it back again
I dug myself so deep, deep into a hole
Then getting back I wanted so far beyond my control

In the past I've always had trouble on my mind
I'm gonna take that feeling and leave it far behind
As I go down this path traveling through my fate
Lately I have begun to awake

It all started out in Jackson and we moved across the land
And all the dehydration turned soil into sand
And then one day they hauled me away
And I was out there, out on my own

The thieves, they came and went
They took everything in site
And then we got it back again
Oh, I had to fight

Oh, and then I woke up from the middle of the strangest dream
And everyone was there that I ever knew and they all began to sing
Hold your head high, just as high as you can
Things will work out soon, things will come round again
You see I've got this fascination with all the wrong ways to go
I get lost even in the places that I know

Hold your head high, just as high as you can
Things will work out soon, things will come round again
Hold your head high, just as high as you can
Things will work out soon, things will come round again

I'm sure there is a way to post them on here for you to listen to, but I don't have the patience for that. However, if you like them, you should download them. Runnin is from their album on Stairs and Elevators. Hold Your Head High is from The Mountain. 

Picture me stopping folding clothes and holding my hand in the air and swaying back and forth to Hold Your Head High. What a Sunday.