Oxytocin: The "Cuddle Drug"

"So when we talk about "attraction," "infatuation", or "following your heart" after meeting a potential partner, we're actually talking about reactions produced in our brain. These reactions made us feel more alive and excited than almost any other time in our lives. It's like the rush of adrenaline you might feel when skydiving or riding a roller coaster. Sometimes these feelings are so extreme that we become addicted to them, and move from relationship to relationship to recapture and sustain them." So, you mean like the feeling I get when I watch Super Kitty Cash run across the living room floor chasing after the neon colored mouse I bought him that moves on his own? "...oxytocin. Not only is this cuddle drug the same hormone secreted by nursing mothers and after orgasm by both partners, it is released in good and healthy relationships in the presence of our long-term partner. Oxytocin is what makes us feel connected and blissful just being with him/her."

Oh, THAT'S IT! That's what those women are talking about after shooting that 8 pound mass out of their own bodies after being controlled by it for nine months. Wow. That's a drug I want some more of. Was David Steel, author of Conscious Dating quoted previously, referring to the feeling I get when my current boy turns to me in a gay bar and asks, "Is this wrestling competition really on ESPN or do they always have something like this playing at Nellie's?" Is it the feeling I get riding in the car with him on the way home on Sunday morning when we both pause to take a moment to listen to the actual words coming out of that rapper's mouth and both blush and love it at the same time? Is this the feeling I get when we decide to take the night off from "exercising" and instead stay up talking about how cool he was in the 5th grade because he carried his books in a "satchel" instead of the more popular Jansport backpack? Is this funny to anyone else, because it doesn't feel like it. It feels like we are the only ones in our own little world who thinks these things are laughable or unique.

But isn't this what a friendship is? Are these different from the excited feelings I get when a new friend from an old familiar town is thinking the same thing when we pass someone on the street that reminds us of the famous Oxfordtonian? Because, let's face it, it's a toss up. The giddiness I feel with a new girl friend is the same or perhaps even deeper than that of a new boy because I can bear all and say what I feel and blurt out what my first true reaction to life is and they love me anyway because they are girls too! They GET me.

Two weeks ago I experienced my first meeting with a REAL LIVE shrink. He asked me, "Do you feel that your girl friend relationships are different than your relationships with men?" "Um. YES!" God, has he never seen one episode of Sex and the City? I knew I was taking a risk by breaking my rule of only seeing female doctors. They just don't get it. Or maybe they do. Would it really be that awful if I treated both relationships the same? Wouldn't it at least be honest? But what if my honest equals crazy. What if I tell him that when I ask him a question and he doesn't text back that I almost lose my freaking mind? Wouldn't he put on his best running shoes, plug "home" into his GPS under the setting "most direct route" and get a move on? No scenic drives here folks. Or, would he choose to take that longer drive even if it meant stumbling along the path and wanting to give up before he reaches the pot of gold filled with that drug, what was it again? Oxytocin? More important question, would I? Will I? Should I? Will I abandon myself on the way up and lean on him too much to get to the top all for something that lasts only a short time? Will I forget my self? This self that sits on the bathroom floor by her cat writing blogs and quoting dating books? Oh God. Perhaps the grass IS really greener over there. Really? Cat toys, blogs, and dating books vs. orgasms? Mmmmmmm. Oh, who cares if I lose all sense of self!