Aunt Faye

I'm not sure what made me think about peanut butter marshmallow saltine cracker treats this week. Maybe it was because of the book I finished today with the character Nan from Nantucket that reminded me of a warm home and an eccentric gardener much like my Aunt Faye, my great aunt, my mother's mother's sister. The first line of the book starts out telling you that on her bike ride into town, Nan is sneaking into the neighbor's yard picking hydrangeas to place on the table for lunch with a friend later on that day. It also talks about her borrowing their pool when she gets the urge to skinny dip. The neighbors, of course, are off-season owners and are only around during the busy time of the summer. Funny, because I also remember my own mother trying to convince me that we could lay out at a stranger's pool in Destin that was next to Jerry's house because they got better winter sun. It was in December, and we built a wind blocker on the beach instead and then left early the next day because a cold front was coming and we had to get back to MS before the "snow". Ice, rain. Whatever. Regardless, I think of my Aunt Faye a lot. And, really, I didn't know her that much-not after I have been old enough to value someone like her. I just remember swinging on the swing set with my cousin Donna and walking down a trail..maybe to a pond? It is hard to distinguish from stories that I have been told or actual memories. But the one memory that I know without a doubt is real is about the peanut butter marshmallow things. She always cooked them in her toaster oven (which, if you have read this blog at all, you know that toaster ovens now have a warm place in my heart). I remember how they smelled and how they were always perfect. If you've ever cooked these snacks, you know it is easy to leave them in too long and end up with a charred marshmallow! Good Ol' Aunt Faye. Tonight when I looked at my feet, I noticed that they look older, tanned, and exactly like MaDonnie's and Mama's. I wonder if Aunt Faye had these tiny narrow feet that didn't match her strong body. Her feet that took her fishing in the boat with her husband and walked the miles and miles (it seemed like miles anyway) of her bright pink flocks. Oh, how smells can bring back a memory. I remember these sweaty days at her house that my Aunt Rhonda now lives in and keeps the memory of her plants alive. Well, those and about a billion other flower beds growing! This is not a sad memory, but does leave a pang in my stomach that longs to have known her now in my life and be able to ask her if she still tastes that creamy marshmallow goodness. 

Jazzercise took almost an hour of my life today.

I realize most of you might be asking, what does an important "Wellness Center Manager" do with the 8-9 hours a day that she is at work. Save lives? Change lives? Create lives? Most of the time, but today a whole hour of my day was taken up by D (should remain nameless), the Jazzercise Instructor (yes, I'm not making that up. Apparently, Jazzercise is still up and running...or two-stepping I should say.) I was trying to put out some flames started by this J-Lo looking lady who is FREAKING out that I want to offer a free 15 minute abs class. She's afraid that it might interfere with her Jazzercise. After 45 minutes of listening to her describe the class and how her best friend and her practice their routines in the basement ("You start with a low, then you move into low-medium, then medium, then medium-high, then high-medium, then high, then low, then low-medium. You know, so they can get there heart rate up and down safely.") Well, I got my heart rate up just trying to focus on our conversation. Imagine the class! At this point, my lunch that I had neglected for 45 minutes was calling out to me and my head was pounding. Oh, the drama of being in charge! I finally just cut her off and said, "I have to eat." By now they should all know that I eat every two hours and it had been about 2 1/2 at 1:18PM. She also informed me that the last instructor never taught classes because all she did was restock the candy dish on her desk and pop Snicker's bars all day. "Wow, Erin! What a day you had!," some of you might say. It didn't end there! The rest of the day I spent avoiding a lady who was mad that she couldn't "personal train" her clients anymore because I was there. When I had to ask my boss if there were rules against non-professionals training members, the conversation went something like this (made up names just in case these people figure out how to google): Erin: "Hi Boss, so what should we do about Laurie teaching classes and training members?" Boss: "Well, she knows it isn't supposed to be happening." "Mmm.Hmm. Um, by the way, have you met Laurie in person?" Boss (letting a laugh slip): "No, Erin. What are you trying to tell me?" "Well, honestly, her height and weight are really not in the norms according to the chart." Pause. Silence. Oh brother. For the record, I hate "charts", but if you are going to call yourself a personal trainer and teach abs class...well....

Cooking, Smith Mountain Lake and a Mullet

My friend Sean came to visit and got me out of the house! Check out the pics, especially the one of the mullet man. He went swimming in those pants and nobody said a word. Ahhh, Virginia. Kinda reminds me of home.

Orange Tomatoes: Mom, can I just have Carbs for dinner?

Steve, one of the two facilities managers at my new job, both name Steve. Big Steve and Little Steve. Today was worth all of the flirting with Big  Steve when I got my light bulbs changed in the Women's Locker Room and had an email titled "veggies" when I opened my Outlook. All you have to do in this town is say TOMATO and the next thing you know...mmmm. I looked into the plastic bag. Green pepper, yellow squash, green tomatoes, orange tomato. Orange tomato? Riiinnng. Erin: "Steve."Steve: "Erin, I was just thinking about you." (no worries-he's hitched.) Do you have a helium balloon blower-upper and more importantly, what the heck am I supposed to do with this orange thing?" Steve: "It's a tomato." Erin: "I thought so, but can I eat it now?" Steve: "Oh yeah! You can eat it now....blankblankblank." Oh the things women put up with these days to get a good tomato and a light bulb. 

I came home and sliced that baby open and oh. my. gosh. YUMMY! Then I made orange bruschetta. I bet what's her name on the food channel (who has way smaller boobs than me, but somehow seems to show cleavage every episode) would be jealous. Enjoy! I sure did.

Please allow me to self-reflect

Thank you for letting me share these thoughts with you today. I used to make fun of blogs, but since all of the life changes over the last two years and recent changes, this blog has given me an "out", confidence to keep writing, and a sense that I am sitting down sharing with each one of you. It means so much that you allow me to share with you. Thank you!  Today through a sequence of journal entries, friends, and songs, I have sensed a progression. And would like to share my thankfulness with you. The words do not require much explanation and speak for me during...well...life.

December 11, 2008

My Journal Entry

"I'm not sure if time heals everything-maybe time and fighting-digging in the dirt to get a breath-the one that will get you through to the next minute. If you are lucky, the next hour. Sometimes you see the sun and that spurs you on until the next day even. And then one day you look around and you see green, not brown. You smell clean air, not earthy mud. You can stand on the ground-firmly-not gripping uphill for your life. You can stretch out-open your arms wide to the blue sky and before you know it-you've made it."

February 6, 2009

During Katie's visit to Charlottesville, she introduced me to the band, "Heartless Bastards". The week before I had noticed that they were playing at the Gravity Lounge the week after she was in town. On February 11, Sean and I went to hear them LIVE. Below is listed the words to the song that spoke to me as soon as Katie played it for me that weekend, and the opportunity to close my eyes and ROCK OUT to it live was moving. 

Lyrics to Runnin :
For every calm there is a storm
But it is often out of view
It changes paths it changes forms
Just like our souls
Like they often do
Broke the calm, strain my back
I was born, driven by fear
And I don't think I'll ever understand
But I know I'll be runnin for years
I hope there's a higher ground
Because I'm going steadily down
And I know I'll be alright
If I just get through the night
I love your way, I love you baby, don't mean maybe
I love your way, and oh you brighten and enlighten
I've been walking, I've been walking sideways
Walking down the street
And I won';t look back to another minute
Because there's nothing left to see
I took the long way
Oh I took the long way

This past week I was losing sight of all of the positives to the recent move, and was having a bit of a hard time. Oh L. She KNOWS me. She gifted me "Hold Your Head High" by Heartless Bastards to my ITunes. I listened to it for the first time today and haven't listened to anything else. How connected I am to it. I am always amazed that someone else who doesn't have a clue about my life can write a song so connected to mine. I guess I should expect it by now, but never get used to it. Always so exciting and moving. 

Lyrics to Hold Your Head High:

I've made a lot of choices
Most have not been wise
But I have some really good friends 
I've been fortunate enough to find
They get through the lonely days 
When I want to stay inside myself
They get me out of my shell
Out into the world

I am coming back, I'm coming back again
I had lost everything and then I got it back again
I dug myself so deep, deep into a hole
Then getting back I wanted so far beyond my control

In the past I've always had trouble on my mind
I'm gonna take that feeling and leave it far behind
As I go down this path traveling through my fate
Lately I have begun to awake

It all started out in Jackson and we moved across the land
And all the dehydration turned soil into sand
And then one day they hauled me away
And I was out there, out on my own

The thieves, they came and went
They took everything in site
And then we got it back again
Oh, I had to fight

Oh, and then I woke up from the middle of the strangest dream
And everyone was there that I ever knew and they all began to sing
Hold your head high, just as high as you can
Things will work out soon, things will come round again
You see I've got this fascination with all the wrong ways to go
I get lost even in the places that I know

Hold your head high, just as high as you can
Things will work out soon, things will come round again
Hold your head high, just as high as you can
Things will work out soon, things will come round again

I'm sure there is a way to post them on here for you to listen to, but I don't have the patience for that. However, if you like them, you should download them. Runnin is from their album on Stairs and Elevators. Hold Your Head High is from The Mountain. 

Picture me stopping folding clothes and holding my hand in the air and swaying back and forth to Hold Your Head High. What a Sunday.

SMASHED open

Does anyone know how I could get to be famous by blogging? I mean, isn't it the same thing as Carrie Bradshaw having an article in the "Star" except that it is not 1997? Actually, I would probably be OK with just getting paid. I mean, I saw this Oprah once where this lady got on there for writing a book about her divorce called "Broken Open". Really lady? A divorce? Come on. You got nothing on my last two years. It would probably get filed in the FICTION section because no one would believe it. If anyone is interested in publishing: let me know. It will include all of the hottest things right now (keep in mind that this is in no particular order of events): crazy Southern families, love, break-ups, half-way houses, 23 year old boys, a party that took place on a roof in the Virginia mountains that involved me singing every word to Shoop, two gay dudes, two lovers, one whiskey drinking fool in a BMW listening to Dolly Parton while on the way to spend some time at a "retreat" (you know-the one like Lindsay Lohan's). Broken Open? Ha. More like Smashed Open, a memoir by Erin Harvey.

ROANOKE: WEEK 1, WORK DAY 3

Oh the difference a day can make! You guys cheered me right up with all of your responses and I swear, if I didn't have the ability to laugh at myself I would stay stuck in that gloominess forever. What a great day at work! I was SO busy. There is SO much to do. Everyone has been so friendly and came up to the Penthouse (yes, the fitness center is on the PH. I push PH when I get on the elevator.) to welcome me. Probably really to check out the "new" girl, but still...it was a great day and I feel so incredible for the opportunity to do this! And, had a meeting with my boss today for an hour: she lives in Colorado. :) Her name is Roxanne Musselman. The first time I called to see if the job was still available I had been saying, "Roxanne MUSCLEMAN, Roxanne MUSCLEMAN" so when the woman answered the phone, you guessed it. "May I speak to Ms. Roxanne MUSCLEMAN please?" I mean, surely I am not the first person to make this mistake. She does work in fitness. 

Right now I am sitting on my porch listening to the birds chirp, there is a cool breeze and the chatter of neighbors near by. Blue sky, cotton candy clouds. And a feeling of contentment. Is this what it feels like? I have learned that these moments like this pass too quickly with all of the challenges that life brings us, but for today, ahhh....how nice.  

And just to think: about an hour ago when I left work, before my GPS kicked in, I turned right instead of left and this one mistake caused me to circle around some exit twice right before the nausea got to me and that darn lady finally quit screaming, "RECALCULATING. RECALCULATING." You would think they could program her to be more like, "Honey, you have driven to work and home three times now. You can do this. It is only 2.8 miles. Take a deep breath and think: how did you get home yesterday?" 

ROANOKE: WEEK 1

Sigh, whew. This has to be the most prepared I have every been for a move and it still ROCKS me. Today when I woke up it was like my body was saying, "Ok! I've had enough! I'm going to give you a headache and tummy ache just so you will rest the whole day. HA!" Ok, so maybe the tummy ache was partly because I discovered that I had a Sonic just down the street, but what else is more comforting when you are in a new town searching for the Kroger and you just happen to remember those after school Sonic runs with your mom. Mmmhh. I have had two days of work at my new job and I have to say: I am excited! There is a lot of work to be done and I am trying to get used to the fact that people are asking ME for the answers! What a challenge. Of course, everyone has been way more patient in showing me the ropes than I have with myself, so if I could just figure that one out, life would be so much easier! After all, tomorrow is only my third day. 

If one more person asks me if I know anyone here, I am going to start lying. NO. I do not know anyone in Roanoke. No I do not have any ties to VA. I just think it is beautiful and I like it here. Today the temperature in my car read 66 degrees around noon and it is only going to get up to 90 this week. I hear that is abnormal, but I just thought I would brag for all you MS folks. 

I have to note, that being prepared does not prepare you for the realization of, "Oh Sxxx, I really don't know ANYONE." Of course, I know I will know new friends soon, but you know what? It never really gets easier. At the same time, it offers me time for self-reflection and quietness (I know-really-believe it though. The only person I talked to today in person was the guy at Kroger that went out of his way to ask me how I was doing. After I remembered how to speak, I answered in a whisper, "Good. Thanks." And mumbled, "How are you" before quickly bolting down the closest isle.) So, this cry for help and maybe a little guilt tripping is my clever way to get you guys to come visit me. Please see my schedule below with my open days for visitors:

July 1-31: OPEN

August 1-31: OPEN

September 1-30: OPEN

As you can see, I'm open. Come visit. Oh, and why have a I posted a pic of an oven? Because I just used mine tonight for the first time, and it is the first time I have used a real oven in over a year! My 10-minute Bertolli pasta was actually done in 10 minutes! Just in case you have never cooked on a hot plate, it usually takes about thirty because of the electrical outlet safety cut-off. 

Please post comments! I love them and it makes me feel connected to the world. If not, I will just continue to talk to myself and the people at Kroger. Oh, and Home Depot. I have made some friends there. Yes I know there names: Charlie and Larry.